"She carry's that stupid doll around everywhere"
"That girl is definitely tapped."
"Don't get too close she might bite."
These are just some of the whispers I hear as I walk through the halls of my high school. My name is Raine Stevenson, I am a 17 year old girl. My mother died when I was 9. She was murdered one day while taking her everyday jog through the town park. Since my father left my mother, I had to live with my grandmother after my mother's death. And for the rag doll? Well my mother made this doll for me while she was pregnant with me. I named her Nani; she's the only thing I have left.
The whispers and stares from the classmates in my school aren't what bugs me, it's the beatings and taunting. I can't eat lunch in the cafeteria, or else I'll wear it instead of eating it. I also can't ride the bus to school, the last time I did that I ended up with two broken ribs. It's just safer to walk the 5 miles rather than ride the bus and get a daily beating. You probably think I'm just weak and pathetic, and you're probably right. I don't stand up for myself, I use to, but it's just no use anymore. The more I defend myself the harder they hit.
I'm not looking for your sympathy, I'm just looking for someone to talk to, someone to listen and treat me like a human being. It's silly of me to have even come here, but I had nowhere else to go.
I remember this one time, back in October. Everyone was getting dates for the Halloween Dance. I was sitting outside reading a book under an oak tree during our break between classes. And this small boy from nowhere just appeared in front of me and asked if I was a witch, I laughed and told him no, I'm just a regular person. He ran off, and the next thing I knew a group of guys grabbed me and pinned me down to the ground. They were calling me a witch and began to carve inverted pentagrams on my cheeks, forehead and wrists with a razor blade. I screamed for them to stop, but they only laughed. Once they stopped I gathered my belonging and walked home. There was no use in going to the nurse's office. Then I would've had to report the boys and I just would have gotten more abuse from my classmates.
I've forgiven those who have hurt me, I understand they were naļve and immature. I hope that god will do the same for them, redeem them for their wrong doings. Nani and I are happy here and feel safe for once. We think that's all the more reason to forgive the people who have hurt us.
I continued to return to school after the encounter with the razor blade. Things weren't too bad after that. I got harassed a lot less, and could actually go to the restroom without fear. I'd even made a friend. His name was Craig, he seemed very nice, and caring. By February, Craig and I had become very close, he asked me to the Valentine's Dance, I accepted his proposal. We had a wonderful time, no one even stared at me, and it was such a wonderful feeling! Craig invited me back to his house afterwards to watch a movie. He had no intention in watching a movie; in fact, he didn't even have an intention in being my friend. He raped me, he tied me down and beat me and raped me. He took naked pictures of me and gave them out at school the next day. That's when I knew I could never trust anyone but Nani.
I thought about taking my own life. I even came close to it, but I didn't want to put my grandmother through that, she was old and frail. She really didn't need any stress in her life. So sucked it up and kept facing each day, with Nani in one hand and my schoolbag in the other. By the time April came around, I found myself being followed home. I didn't know whom it was, and I was too afraid to ask. I didn't want any more trouble with anyone.
School was over and I was free from the teenage torture I had faced. Well, for at least the summer. I had made it through, and was proud of myself. Nani and I had a great summer vacation; we went to the beach and shopping. It truly was the best time of my life! When September rolled around, I went back to my senior year with a smile on my face and Nani in my hand. It was the best year of my life, everyone loved me...
"I'm sorry Mrs. Stevenson, your daughter is dead. The autopsy shows us that on April 20th she was raped and murdered."
You know how I said Nani and I feel safe? We're in heaven..